Funny now, scary then

St Clement's: part two

On The Silly Side by Jimmy Del Ponte

(The opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville News belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not reflect the views or opinions of The Somerville News, its staff or publishers.)

Because of all the positive feedback I received on my first St. Clements Elementary School column, I pray that you enjoy this sequel of sorts - especially Frank Sharpe and Gary Murphy. Now remember, we are talking many, many years ago and things have changed a lot over there on Warner Street - St. Clements School is a fine institution of parochial learning.

Back then things were different, and we had some very memorable and colorful (actually, black and white) nuns. Their influences, memories and stories have stayed with us throughout our lives. One of those nuns was Sister Helene. I would also like to say right up front, that Sister Helene had to have loved the hundreds of students who passed in and out of her classroom because she taught for a long, long time. At that time, however, we mistook her dedication for terror tactics. She had a very odd way of showing her dedication to the fine art of learning. Some of her favorite things to call students were: “lazy lump”, “sneaky piece” and “sawed-off runt”. When I would stand next to tall guys like Mike Bonanno and Teddy Bates, she would say something charming, like: “look at the pint of peanuts between the two elephants!” Sister Helene's nickname for Teddy was “Animalistic Bates.” She got confused at times and called Phil Bradley “Bradshaw.” She once called me Gerald La Point and got mad when I didn't answer her.

Everyone that had her as a teacher has many choice Sister Helene stories.. Most of these former students can also do a decent impression of her. Her facial expressions and manner of speech were unique, to say the least.

Sister Helene was good at imitation too - I'll never forget the time she mimicked Lenny Provenzano's unique style of walking. She bounced up and down the aisle and it was a riot. She would also embarrass the girls by nonchalantly (albeit quite loudly) recommending deodorants and soaps: “Jean Nate and Tussy are very good products,” she would say. Yes another “Helene-ism” - she would call you up after a test, look at the paper, smile and say: “Very good (then the dreaded pause…) - THIRD GRADE WORK!” We would cowl and limp back to our desk. One of the Sister's favorite maneuvers was looking at a student and sternly saying “STAND UP!” and the minute you stood, she would say: “SIT DOWN.” She would drag this cat and mouse torture out for at least half a minute. I'm not sure, but I think she was a drill sergeant in a former life. A classic Sister Helene adage was “It's a poor workman who blames his tools.” I still use that one on my kids.

1967 was the year that I was in Sister Helene's 8th grade class.. For an assignment, she told us to watch “The Music Man” on TV over the weekend. She told us to write a parody of the song “76 Trombones” using our class as the subject matter. Dave Porzio and I came up with: “We are the seniors of the grammar school, and we will do our work faithfully. We will be proud and loud when we tell it to the crowd, we have won St. Clements pride again!” We had to perform it if front of the class, but had to stand in the back because we couldn't stop laughing. Thanks to Sister Helene, I wrote my first parody song, and went on to make a living doing exactly that on the radio for over 23 years.

She may have had a unique style of teaching, which involved a bit of intimidation and get in your face discipline, but we know she cared about us (I think). One of my classmates in “8A” was Gayle Fee, one of the Herald's “Inside Track Girls.” Sister Helene used to call her “Miss Fee.” Gayle has some great Sister Helene Recollections I'm sure.

After 8 years in St. Clements, I jumped ship and went to the 9th grade at Western Junior High School. My brother was three years behind me and my sister was one year in front of me. Sister Helene used to say: “Thank God your parents have the 'little one'” (because Christine and I were such disappointments, naturally).

I was being my usual “sneaky little sawed-off runt” one day when Sister Helene went out of the classroom for a minute. For some reason, I put my school bag over Dave Porzio's head, three rows over. Just as I did it, Sister Helene darted back into the room and went into frenzy - she danced around me singing: “I caught Del Ponte, I caught Del Ponte.”

The one time I actually talked back to her, I defended myself by saying that I was sticking up for my rights - and she promptly reminded me “you have no rights in 8A..” No rights, but lots of great memories. She used to tell me “butter would melt in your mouth.” I still don't know what that meant.

One day Sister Helene judged a contest to determine who did the best imitation of her. It was between Mike Bonanno and Teddy Bates - it was an official “Helene-off” and she was judging. The Sister picked Mike as the winner. It was then that I finally saw the genuine caring she had for her students, but you had to dig deep. We all had a good laugh, and it was a highlight of the year.

When she bagged me jokingly giving “slippery Charlie” the bird, she exclaimed: “you can 'snap' your fingers at The Western (Junior High School).” I did, and I took some laughs with me.

22 years after being in 8A, I got a clipping from a newspaper article about me that she had cut out and mailed to me. With it was a note saying, “I am very proud of you, James, and I'm sure your family is also. God Bless you.” and it was signed by Sister Helene. It totally blew me away. She terrified us then, but she also provided us with the most memorable year of school ever.

Sister Helene is up there watching her former students going about their lives, and is probably very proud of us all. We all might just be a little stronger thanks to her. Everyone who ever had Sister Helene can sure tell some very funny stories. Thank you, Sister Helene, from your favorite sawed off runt.

Please e-mail your comments to Jimmy at: jimmydel@rcn.com

Comments

[Billy B.]

I still have a black and blue on my chest from her index finger.

But my greatest memory of Sister Helene was when Mickey Norton (who had a terrible stutter) was finally fed up with Sisters ridicule, and stood up for himself. It took him a few minutes to say it and it went something like this "fu fu fu fu fu fu fu fu fu fu fu fu_ _ you Sister". After that day Mickey won her respect and was never ridiculed again in her or Charlie Burns class.

[Gary G]

Great Article Jimmy. One of my faverote quotes from her was, "Your hair is so long you might as well wear one of your sisters dresses".

[Paul Boyle]

Jimmy, Sister Helene was one of the tougher ones at St. Clements. I remember whenever we went into her class to sell tickets to the football games, she would embarass everyone into buying a ticket whether they were going or not. Those were the days my friend!

[Maryellen K]

Sister Helene was one of the first nuns we saw with HAIR - and hers was RED (not naturally I think!) One day she was watching the two classes that were joined with the "cloakroom doors" and when one was acting up, she turned to yell at them and her TEETH fell out - I still remember choking back the laugh - and yet, like so many, in later years she was someone who came through when needed!! Thanks for the memories!!

[Joan S.]

Ah Jimmy, you brought back many memories! One of my "memorable" moments was when I was in the 7th grade and our homeroom teacher Sister Asella (spelling?) passed away. Sister Helene came in ranting that we had caused her death! Another time I had the misfortune of correcting a Math mistake on the board. I was told to 'stand up' where I was called a Houdini, sissified sissy, and other good things for close to 15 minutes. She was definitely an original.

[Sister Helene]

I can't believe anyone has fond memories of Sister Helene. She taught nothing. She was as close to child abuse as I could even imagine. She treated my so badly I still have chills when her name is mentioned. She hurt so many children. I think she would have been arrested and hauled away in this day and age. Don't mistake the fact that you survived her as nostalgia.

[Willy]

Sister Nilus was no day at the beach either.

You started hearing the stories about these two, and worrying about getting them when you walked into the first grade.

I was lucky enough to get a "FRONT ROW" seat in both of their classes.

PS How much cash did those nuns make (pocket) selling all that penny candy over the years?

GREAT JOB WRITING EVERY WEEK JIMMY.

[KD]

Sr Nilus was tough as nails in the classroom but she was a very warm and caring person outside. In her defense she as well as all the other grammar school nuns had to teach a class of 50 with no moving around accept for recess and lunch and certainly no teacher's aid. I'd love to see a modern day teacher try that.
As for Sr Helene she did border on child abuse but she did not discriminate. She nailed everyone and I think we were all smart enough to see past her craziness. My favorite story (and there are so many) also involved Micky Norton. It was the day Sr declared to all of us that she was going to cure Mr Norton's stuttering problem. To make along story short after 10 or so minutes of futility it ended with Sr Helene screaming "Don't call me SSSSSSister, I don't call you NNNNNNNorton. Thanks for the trip down memory lane Jimmy.

[jimi]

she was by far the worst teacher ever to walk the planet she just found someone or multiple kids to abuse for the class and you hoped she didnt get to your row before the bell rang longest classes of my life how about sister reparata another classic .best story when she would tell everyone almost everyday that bobby powers wanted to go to bosco but yes mr powers you werent accepted you were rejected

[Sister Helene]

I agree that Sister Nilus was tough. However, she was not mean spirited or abusive. I had both teachers. Underneath her hard boiled exterior she did have a soft spot. I also agree with another blogger that with so many children to watch over Sister really had to be consistent and firm and, yes, I learned something from her.

Sister Helene had no redeeming qualities. She pistol whipped her students daily. Yes, we did just look at the clock and prayed to God that the tirades and personal attacks would end. I learned nothing from her nor did anyone that sat in front of her daily. Some could find her humorous and look past the "craziness" while others experienced the worst year of their life. How could any person of the cloth feel good about robbing an eighth grader of what should be a happy time in their life. I hope that all her sins are revisiting her whereever she is.

[mark morrison]

great stories jimmy,and so nice to see you still going strong...mark morrison

[John Morrison]

I am not a "Sissified Lump"!

[KEVIN COONEY]

JIMMY

I'M STILL LAUGHING!! WHENEVER I SEE SOMEONE FROM ST CLEMENT'S OR TALK ABOUT THE SCHOOL WITH MY SISTERS, THERE ARE ALWAYS A HUNDRED SR. HELENE STORIES. HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL.MISS YOU ON THE MORNING SHOW.

[Anonymous]

My teacher mrs. thompson hated her. she started laughing so hard when she read this.

[Al Chiozzi (Wisconsin-based Gibson SG, Mini Squirts and Shadowfax fan)]

Walk into the Powderhouse Pub sometime and yell "Sister Helene is coming". I guaranty that a large group of 50 year old men will scurry under their barstools.

[Renie]

Hello Jimmy,
How are you ? I am e-mailing you from No. Virginia, DC area where I have lived for the past 15 years. Do you remember the Hughes girls (6 look a likes) from Morrison Ave ? We lived behind you and my cousins were the Koerber girls. (Not a bad looking lot in our days) I use to be fast and skinny enough to dodge the bulldog that patrolled Faulkners property. I have clear memories of taking the short cut through my back yard, climbing the Faulkner "mountain" and running across Faulkner's driveway to avoid the buldog who might bite my head off before slipping beneath the fence that lined the property between the Koerbers and the Faulkners property. I still have dreams about being in the Faukner "mansion" after all these years. I wonder what ever happened to the Faulkners ?
I have good memories of you and your family. We have lost one of our sister's who attended St Clements in 2004. Do you still play the drums? I use to play with my cousin Suzie. I always felt like a dog next to her.
I had a major laugh when I read your article and a bigger laugh at the commentaries. My sister Mary received a phone call from one of her friend's who said "Ding dong the witch is dead" when poor Sr Helene finally passed away. I have stories as well but I remember trying to avoid her constant spittle when she went on her tirades. After having 4 daughters who were verbally abused and scarred from these nuns, my parents finally spared my 2 youngest sisters from going to St Clements after my sister Margaret
(#5) had major issues with the witch Sr Clementina.
I have fond memories of having a tug of war with Sr Clementina because once again in first grade, I was caught not paying attention. She tried to drag me to the principals office. I refused and was terrified for my life. Yes, we can not forget the good nun Sr Clementina. I have more stories but will end on this note. Thank you anf keep in touch!!