Down with tattoos

By Mario Barros
of Lenguaviva

(The opinions and views expressed in the commentaries of The Somerville News belong solely to the authors of those commentaries and do not neccesarily reflect the views or opinions of The Somerville News)

Don't anybody get the wrong message here: I hate tattoos! I don't want anything to do with inked body art, ok? And I hate tattoos even more since I found out that the beautifully famous (or famously beautiful) Angelina Jolie has no less than fifteen of those on her voluptuous body (plus another seven that she has either erased or modified). Somebody please tell me, what is she smoking? As hot as she is, what's the point of becoming a human billboard? Where is the logic in suffering through hundreds of painful little jabs and carrying more ink in the skin that the amount needed to print this paper? What were last night's lottery numbers...? (Oops! Sorry.)

All would be fine if sensual Angelina were the only person in this world with a penchant for skin hieroglyphics. But it so happens that even a cat can get a tattoo these days and everybody has some sort of justification for them: tattoos are a way of expressing our individuality; they are an ancestral art form that is being revitalized; there is nothing prettier than ink showing up through the epidermis, it's my body and I do whatever I want with it, dammit! And a bunch of other silly explanations. Can you believe it?

When it comes to the theories of the illustrious defenders of skin illustration, you have to develop a special type of patience. At least I have. We live in a democracy, after all, and sometimes you have to learn to give in to some insane ideas. I have even come to terms with those who engrave the initials, sometimes the whole name, of a loved one in a not very visible part of their bodies. And, of course, I'm not bothered at all by some small design adorning a recondite corner of the female anatomy. But to have a laughing skull tattooed on your forehead and stroll carefree with it around the neighborhood on top of that? Brother!

There are some classic tattoos, like the ubiquitous mermaid on the muscular arm of a sailor. Or that one, so common among inmates: “Only God can judge me.” I can understand the seamen and their mermaids. What else can you dream about when you are in the middle of the ocean, badly in need of someone (anyone!) to lighten up your dark and lonely nights? But the good Lord being your only judge...? Come on bro, He certainly was not the person in the black gown who put you in the slammer, was He?

If you have decided to get a tattoo, you should at least choose one carefully. In that respect gang members are an example of common sense. If you are an aspiring member of the Green Wasps you will definitely not show up at their recruiting meeting with an orange bug tattooed on your chest, as that is the rival gang's symbol. But there are people who seem to get tattoos solely for the doubtful pleasure of getting them, with no clear concept, or definite idea. That being said, how can anyone conceive of a blonde young lady with a dragon imprinted on her butt? Dragons are Asian symbols, my friend! You and your blondness have nothing to do with that! Caramba!

By the same token, some professionals could be easily identified by their tattoos. Let me explain: if you are an architect, you should have a skyscraper etched on your neck. But if you are into engineering, then you should have the interstate highway system impressed on your back. It's easy with lawyers: they only need a dollar sign stamped on the forehead. But there is more: medical doctors could have images of their specialties tattooed on the chin. Hence pediatricians would exhibit a child's profile, cardiologists would show red hearts, and proctologists... no, let's not go there. 

   
The worst thing about tattoos is seeing how beautiful young ladies (like the aforementioned blonde) ruin their skin with the fashionable engravings. What about those who enjoy getting their breasts illustrated? Frightening! What they don't seem to remember is that human skin loses its freshness and elasticity with time. So chances are that, on their fiftieth birthday, all their hieroglyphics will be perilously dangling over their bellybuttons.

Which brings the curvaceous Angelina back to mind. Can you imagine her at age eighty-seven with all those messy tattoos scattered all over body regions where they were never intended to be?  Just the thought of it makes me sick. That is why, if I ever lose my marbles, I'm going to get only one, big tattoo on my chest: DOWN WITH TATTOOS!

Mario Barros is a teacher at Somerville High and founder of the comedy troupe Lenguaviva. He  can be reached at mario@lenguaviva.org

Comments

[Bob]

YOUR AN IDIOT!!!

[Tricky]

Post of the year, Bob.

Get a brain, morans!

[Mario]

Thanks to bmzine.com for posting my article on their website. I wonder if they are paying royalties. I thought I had written it exclusively for The Somerville News. Marvels of cyberspace! But thanks anyway. I don't know about my faithful readers, but I'm going to celebrate Mother's Day now. Signing off till tomorrow. Have a blast, folks. I love you, with or without tattoos.

[Mayda]

Some of these comments with the offensive language leave a lot to be said about the people who wrote them. I think everyone is entitle to their opinion. For those of you who like tattoos you can write your own article and send it to the newspaper, that's what makes America great. As for you, Mario, I think you did a great job at getting people to respond to this issue. Cngratulations and keep up the good job.

[aryuveda]

A few things:

Why I may not agree with Mario's point of view, it is his point of view and he has a right to express it, regardless of how you or I feel about it.

With that being said, there are plenty of reasons that people get tattoos that are reasonable. For instance, I have a few tattoos myself and all of them are religious concepts of Buddhism. Being as I am Buddhist, therefore, I see no shame or ugliness in my artwork. It is a spiritual affirmation for me. And there are plenty of people out there who have similar reasons for their tattoo work.

Now, if you don't like them, fine. There is no reason that you shouldn't be allowed to voice that opinion. But if others voice their opinion, you should look at it from the standpoint of where you're coming from - if they respect your view, respect theirs.

And when I'm 50 and it all sags, at least it's going to be colorful instead of boring.

[B]

"The worst thing about tattoos is seeing how beautiful young ladies (like the aforementioned blonde) ruin their skin with the fashionable engravings."

Wow, I feel more inspired than ever to go ahead with my Alphonse Mucha sleeve.

I find body mods are a particularly effective way of keeping judgmental asshats at bay. Thanks for the reminder.

[Pedro]

... Ignorance is really a bliss, right mario, timmy, whatever?...........

"oh no, it's different, let's kill it!"

[Timmy]

It's not different. All young people do it now. It's the fad. It's all about being cool.

Hey look at me.

Maybe it's a sign of where our society is today. Parenting? Our young people are crying for attention.

[Desire]

You're an unfunny try-hard.

[Burcu]

This may seem cliche (well, it clearly is), but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I could give less than two shits about what you or anyone else who dislikes my tattoos. It was my decision to get said tattoos and I will continue to as long as I see fit. It's OUR body so we can choose to adorn them with whatever we please, right?

This is a poorly attempted satirical editorial and I hope you go back and re-attempt your humor elsewhere.

[Pedro]

Timmy, you really don't get the point. It's sad. But at least you're happy in your little world.

I have some piercings, whole lot of tattoos. Im not young..it's not a "fad". It's my body, I do what I want with it. Some people wear moustaches (i think its ridiculous), some people wear dreadlocks, some people wear lime green pants. Each one with their own. Try and travel a little, see the world, different cultures, different people..

Close-minded people are so old news........

(sorry for the poor english, I'm from Portugal)

[Sara Fisher]

Tattooed women aren't attractive? Tell that to the Suicide Girls. Keep living your vanilla, lonely, and unsatisfying existence. There's a difference between expressing your opinion and being hateful/discriminatory. If you're going to do so, be polite about it and have some consideration. Oh, and I do believe that's part of the First Amendment...

[Timmy]

It is a fad for the young people today.

And the women w/ them aren't attractive at all- nothing to do with hate.

[Amanda]

My favorite part was when he talked about women as mere aesthetic objects. Yes, when will those sensual babes learn not to ink up their beautiful, curvaceous soft selves? I wouldn't want to stick my **** in something with a personality or character!

[Ahmed]

Hey Pedro, what's so ridiculous about mustaches? I have a mustache, my father had a mustache, my grandfather had a mustache and my great-grandfather had a mustache. I respect your tattoos and piercings, but don't hate on mustaches, OK? And as to women with tattoos... I'd rather have one with a mustache.

[Timmy]

Mario your words really struck a nerve with many.

Hmmmmmmn......... ;)

[Genevieve]

Oh Ahmed! You are the man I've been waiting for all these years, my knight in shining armor, my savior! Please tell me where we can meet so I can show you my beautiful mustache. You'll love it!

[Imux]

Hey, retards, stop defecating on this site, OK? How many times do I have to tell you to behave!!!??? I'm one of the new mods, and I hate libaloons and other types of losers. Which means... YOU! Lazy bastard artist parasitic types.
Look, tattoo guys and girls, you look like idiots. You may believe you look cool in your delusional, self-esteem lacking, little egos, but you still look like idiots. I would never hire somebody with tattoos. Most employees wouldn't. Plus, tattoos give you skin cancer, it's well known. The inks are carcinogenic. They also weaken the skin's ability to self-repair when damaged by the sun, which means, melanomas.
Do what you want, just don't expect respect. Evolution gets rid of the least fit, so everything is fine.
But, please, don't make me ban you all!!!

-(not Imux and definitely not JN)

[Mole]

Imux?... Signed JN? Were the rumors true after all?... Is Imux drunk or is JN? Or are they the same person? This is freaking bizarre.

[jem]

I honestly can't tell if this article is intended as satire or is serious. Part of that is the tone of the author when hes responding to comments, so mocking and dismissive. If it is serious, its pretty sad. But more than that, the comments of the close minded individuals responding rankle me. I'm not heavily tattooed, i have 6 small tattoos and one large one... and I'm female, and quite frankly my level of attractiveness is not diminished by my tattoos, perhaps it is even enhanced. I modeled (previous to the tattoos), seriously, for years, so my socially accepted level of attractiveness is not in question. My tattoos are a celebration of my body and the things that are important to me. They arnt the result of bad parenting or trying to be cool or of my lack of intelligence. I love my tattoos and I love the tattoos of my friends and family. I hope at some point those of you who are so judgmental mange to open your minds and your eyes, cause the worlds changing, and those of us with tattoos and piercings are hardly the misfits.

[Ahmed]

Hey Jem, do you have a mustache too? Can't you see that the whole thing is a joke?

[jem]

the article might be a joke, but i dont think the responses were? is that timothy person in on all of it... ?

[Sam the Man]

We've arrived at two conclusions: Americans can read and now we're all thinking twice about visiting Scotland. But seriously, look deeper into what I just said, and into why I said it. In a short spam of time, some of the finest of individuals I've ever heard passionately waged philosophical war on each other, arguing over the legitimacy of human rights, and forcing mens rea on Mario. The only thing we seemed to have learned though is that Vinnie likes to have his 15 seconds of fame on live blogs (touching story mate) and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Why is it passion always causes us to miss the big picture? The article is as much about tattoo's as Ryan is intimidating. Yeah man, I used to think asserting myself on blogs made me a badass too...Mario knew by exaggerating his sense of humor you would all flock, and write, and scream and kick! And I already knew Americans could read and that Ryan ain't scary because I'm booking my flight to Edinburgh right now! But its our dogmatic passion that makes us all so interesting and I'm so excited to have plastered in my judgmental, god-given rights all over your blog! I love this country!

[Mary Fahey]

So...
when Angelina Jolie is old and disgusting...her tattoos will be too. No big deal, you aren't going to want to see her naked by the time her tattoos look awful. Because she, as a whole, will look awful.

I cannot believe this dribble is serious. I can only assume it is a satirical article written by a (most likely very bad) comedy troupe founder.

[Tortles]

Wait, you mean all my tattoos won't get me a good job?! Cripes.

[Ryan]

Sam, feel free to visit Scotland any time.

What pains me about this dire attempt at satirical humour is that Mario is attacking a very 'tight-knit' community.

An old man who's losing his fire in this world. If you were looking for a good way to go out this is the way.

[Wasp50]

You know what Ryan get a life and stay away from the computer you idiot. Stop attacking everybody and do something with your sorry life. Your not intimidating anyone with your threats. That's the way you want respect? Your a loser. Shutup.

[Chris]

I think the article wasn't boring for me too read but the bias nature of it and the contents and how badly it was portrayed was just awful. Point taken tattoos that are mindlessly thought of are bad, and don't mix ethic groups and tattoos, because you cant always get te chinese symbol your lookin for and you could be made a fool of, but i ask you why judge other peope on what they do. let them live the wa.y they want and i think this was a good article actually, even though i am very pro tattoo it wasa good read

[Maydin]

Wow! This is what I call a good piece of...you name it! I hate tattoos...To me they're like marking cattle! Don't you worry about a thing, you're a genius.Keep the flow of your thoughts... This is a free country, just like Scotland ( as Sam the Man would say). Forget about infamous comments from illiterate dudes, we all encounter people too stupid to be alive. Common sense guides our choices...It probably is bad luck to walk beneath ladders- but it might be more dangerous to walk into the street to get around the ladder and put it aside.Those who criticize your statements... deserve to have ...one of those "egregious" Tattoos in the middle of their forehead!!!

[Sam the Man]

Ryan, I can totally understand why you would feel its an attack. In fact I do because I also think it is an attack. But it is its direction that I think we disagree on. While you have reason to believe he's attacking a tight-knit group, I would rather believe that if its anything he's attacking it is the main stream culture that has taken an ancient ritual such as tattooing and has turned it into something cliche, a fad, where some use it as a means to join the semi-digestible gluck known as the cool crowd rather than an honest form of self-expression. Know what I mean mate?

[Maydin]

Sam..."Sam the Man"...What a name for a king of Scotland! Scotland is one of those places we have to travel soon...would you pay for my ticket? I just want to boost my lore about Brave heart, Robert Roy Mac.Gregor...and the Highlands, where these heroes used to play together during their free time , in different time periods. Then, back here, it would be easy to explain certain important multicultural assertions to some of those who ignore Scotland...BUT LOVE TATTOOS!

[TOB]

But this article wasn't even funny. It comes off as an ignorant piece of shit. I could understand if there was any humor and it somewhat resembled a joke, but it just doesn't. I understand that there are some people out there that just don't like tattoos, and that is fine, it is your opinion, but don't blindly hate someone just because they have tattoos. And Sam I get what you are saying too, but I don't think the author of this article is smart enough to pull off such social commentary. Just look at it, it's not even funny, all the attempts at jokes are lame and it sounds like a middle school essay.

[Robert]

Dear TOB, sorry, but your sense of humor is still at Seinfeld level. You are only able to laugh at the guy who slips on a banana peel and falls on his face. That's what you find funny. There is something called satire that your uni-neuronic brain is unable to understand, let alone appreciate. You need to do a lot of reading, kid. And, in the meantime, learn that a public forum like this does not need your profanity. That's only high-school cool.

[Pedro]

Imux or whatever - you must be stupid. Go learn the facts, then you can talk.. tattoos exist for thousands of years.. "they give you skin cancer".. omg... ignorance is really a bliss...keep up the good job at being one..

[Robert]

And Pedro, you mustache hater, how many months do you have to wait to donate blood after you get a tattoo?

[Clare]

So. Um. I'm blonde and Chinese and Scottish. Clearly one of those things came from a bottle, but...

[Pedro]

Robert, if u test your blood regularly (i test mine once a year) you don't have to wait any time at all. But the normal time is 3 to 6 months after u get a tattoo done (it's stupid because u can easily lie...). It has nothing to do with cancer. I know hundreds of people with tattoos, young and old, and I never knew someone with skin cancer or melanomas. On the other hand I know 2 people with melanomas from long exposure to the sun (I always protect my tattoos )

It's easier to get an infection from walking barefoot in the beach than by getting a tattoo (it's all sterilized the needles are new). Once again, ignorance.

And i donn't hate mustaches. i just think they serve no purpose (u think the same about tattoos). But if u like mustaches, why not wear one?
But when u try to get a job, a mustache is no problem. Why is it any different with tattoos and piercings? Because it's out of the ordinary? Gimme a break. (Ignorant) people are scared of what's different...that's why they remain ignorant.

[Tattoos Kill]

Pedro and the other tattoo jackasses, if you knew ANYTHING about biochemistry, you'd do that some of the byproducts of most inks used in the process are toxic AND carcinogenic. Ever heard of arsenic? Good, if you have tattoos you have elevated levels in your blood. Three friends of mine died of cancer in the last 5 years. For all of them, the melanoma began at the tattoo site and spread. BECAUSE of the tattoo, they were unable to see the early warnings. So, it's a double danger: it increases your chance of a melanoma and it decreases your chance of even spotting it. As somebody else said above, stupid people die, it's the way the world works.

[jem]

This whole extended mudslinging battle is bizarre. Those of you who are against tattoos are saying really rather offensive things, and just being amazingly close minded. Those of us who are for tattoos are getting way too upset over absurd comments of people who obviously don't understand tattoos or the culture surrounding them, not to mention the long history of them. I'm trying to understand why some of you anti-tattoo people are assuming that those of us who have tattoos are lacking in intelligence? what does a tattoo have to do with our IQ or our level of education? your just making yourselves out to be fools by making these blanket generalizations about a vast number of people... I dont know the actual statistics about the number of tattooed individuals in the US (just as an example) but im sure its massive. While I certainly dont think every person with a tattoo is intelligent, thats like saying every person with dyed blond hair is an idiot. Again, open your eyes and minds, I'm starting to think they are sewn shut.

[Pedro]

tattoos kill - then u will probably die soon. over and out.

[Tortles]

What DOESN'T cause cancer these days? Maybe I should just live in a bubble? Then I'd almost be as sheltered as you folks.

[Mayda]

Almost 100 comments Mario, GREAT! I think you should try Hillary and Obama next, I'd love to read what they have to say about those two, c'mon make my day, and don't forget to be sarcastic.

[Emily]

I am an artist, and so, I shall be covered in art.

[S. Wolf]

Hi I'm a college senior currently working on a Zoology major; and ya know what? I've got 2 tattoos, and a handful of piercings.
I do hope this article is just a bad joke, and I already assume a lot of your readers (and people who have commented here) are just, simply put, idiots. Then again if it's not a joke I would have to say your an ignorant fool who needs to do more research before writing an article. Dragons an Asian symbol? Please.

[Chrimbo]

I have a red dragon tattoo, and I'm not Asian. I'm Welsh.

[Robert]

So you are a college senior, S.Wolf. Sorry, but you have achieved nothing yet. Brag about it when you get your Master's, at least. Besides, your sense of humor is still at kindergarten level. Please read the reply to TOB above, it applies to you too. And also, check out your spelling before you use a public forum: "ya" for "you" and "your" for "you're" is middle school stuff at best. Do they also teach you to insult other people, animals perhaps, in your zoology major?

[RateMyLeftArm.com]

Tattoos rock, man.

[Sun Mutsis]

Well who looks hot at age eighty-seven anyway?

[Edward]

Mario, I'm with you. I know that everyone can "decorate" their body as they please, but I still believe that tattoos ruin the human body. I find them unsexy and senseless. Unfortunately now not only the inmates want to to have one or even more, including the military!?

[Ty]

People get these things for many reasons, and everyone has the right to do whatever they want with their bodies including injecting ink into their skin cells. If you want to look like street trash by all means ink up! ha ha