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May 04, 2008



How dull.

Courtney O'Keefe

You're a founding member of the comedy troupe Lenguaviva? I hope your performances aren't as coma-inducing as your writing.


Mario, keep writing and don't listen to people who don't know what they're talking about. They probably think you're really against tattoos anyway.

Courtney O'Keefe

It's not the content, Wasp50. It's the style and tone that's boring.


Thank you for the criticism, Courtney. And thank you for the defense, Wasp50. This is why I love this country!

enxhi popa

thats a really nice article about tattoos and i agree that they are bad if a person has a lot of them. But if someone has only one and a small one, just for fun or because it means something then its not really that bad!!!!!!!!!!!


Just on the off chance that no one has ever told you this, I think you need to be aware of it: you're an idiot, and you don't know anything about body modification culture.


If this is a joke i can't tell. This article was poorly written it just sounds like some decrepit old fuss-pot spouting off about the 'crazy things' kids do these days. Either learn how to come across better with your sarcasam or just stop. It isn't your body, your skin or your choice, so why are you so concerend about what the rest of us are choosing to adorn our bodies with? Hmm?


If this is supposed to be a joke, I apologize for what I'm about to say, although it's a pointless and not even remotely funny joke if it is one.

If it's not, then you, sir, are an idiot. There is a vast difference between disliking something and telling people what they should and shouldn't have on their bodies. I find Botox and breast implants disgusting, but if I said that people should not be able to get them, I'd be labeled old-fashioned and fussy. Self-expression and self-beautification are as good of reasons to do something as anything, and until you have to wear my skin every day for the rest of your life, you have no more right to tell me not to get tattoos than I have to tell you to do so, especially when your main reason is that I'll no longer be attractive to you, as though that's anyone's goal in life.

Oh, and dragons aren't just an Asian symbol. Learn what you're talking about before you say it next time.


Hey Enxhi, Katie and Lex, you guys are absolutely right. I'm sorry if I offended you while exercising my right to freedom of speech, but I'm really a 105 year-old man who has all kinds of tattoos I got while fighting in the jungles of Borneo and I really don't know what to do with them now. You see, I've found this 99 year-old chick who I'm crazy about, but she won't marry me unless I get rid of all this ink. That's why I am so frustrated! I'm going to lose the love of my life and we won't be able to live happily ever after!


if this is a joke then im also sorry

but your a one minded fool of a human being.

have you ever hear of human rights.

that includes the right to do whatever you want to your body and who are you to judge someone or tell someone what they can or cannot do with THEIR OWN body.

You are a prime example of gullible
youll beleive whatever your told be a good patriot beleive in god blah blah blah.

im here to tell you that your an absolute pleb .

love skitz

ps your scum


I think the question is... what are you smoking, Mario?

"Don't anybody get the wrong message here: I hate tattoos! I don't want anything to do with inked body art, ok? And I hate tattoos even more since I found out that the beautifully famous (or famously beautiful) Angelina Jolie has no less than fifteen of those on her voluptuous body (plus another seven that she has either erased or modified)."

On a personal level, the fact you even decided to write that at all just shows how stupid and ignorant you are. Some people are born into this world with visual anomalies which they would rather went unseen such as birthmarks and would rather they were covered up with ink - and even then a good artist won't cover it up, they will turn what the wearer thinks is ugly into something beautiful.

Everyone is different, and you are an ignorant pig for trying to say that people who get tattoo's are all the same. I have seen and met hundreds of people each with different ink, some have more beautiful ink than others and some have reasoning behind them - you cannot be the judge of whether someones ink is good or not, it's up to the wearer and if it makes them happy and thats their decision.

You must have been brought up different to me because there were three things I've been taught - 'if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all', 'each to their own' and finally 'treat others as you wish to be treated'.

You've tried to treat me badly, so you just got what you deserved, asshole.


"Hey Enxhi, Katie and Lex, you guys are absolutely right. I'm sorry if I offended you while exercising my right to freedom of speech, but I'm really a 105 year-old man who has all kinds of tattoos I got while fighting in the jungles of Borneo and I really don't know what to do with them now. You see, I've found this 99 year-old chick who I'm crazy about, but she won't marry me unless I get rid of all this ink. That's why I am so frustrated! I'm going to lose the love of my life and we won't be able to live happily ever after!"

Sorry for double posting but this came up after I replied. You really are an asshole, aren't you?

You've founded a comedy troupe right? Quite a feat considering you seem to have a horribly bad sense of humour.


Dear Night, you are right. I must be an idiot, but please read my apology to Enxhi, Katie and Lex above. One of the tattoos that really bothers my 99-year old girlfriend is this fire-breathing dragon I have under my left sideburn. I got it in a sordid tattoo parlor in Pontianak, Borneo, seventy-five years ago. The fire looks so real that my girlfriend doesn't kiss me for fear of getting burned.


"Dear Night, you are right. I must be an idiot, but please read my apology to Enxhi, Katie and Lex above. One of the tattoos that really bothers my 99-year old girlfriend is this fire-breathing dragon I have under my left sideburn. I got it in a sordid tattoo parlor in Pontianak, Borneo, seventy-five years ago. The fire looks so real that my girlfriend doesn't kiss me for fear of getting burned."

Epic fail.


Your style of writing is nauseating. I felt an almost "sing-song" rhythym to the joke/punchline delivery.
Don't quit your day-job for the circus just yet, Mario.


Sorry, Skitz and Ryan, my apologies to you guys too. And thanks a lot for helping me increase my vocabulary! I find it fascinating that people can be so helpful. I'm still trying to convince my girlfriend to marry me though...


Again, failing to be funny and as kyl said, don't quit your day job.

I've got nothing against immigrants, and I'm not even from the US (I'm from the UK) but just go back to Cuba - nothing gives you the right to come to a country where people can do what they want to their body and be prejudice against those people with tattoo's.

Dare immigrate to Scotland and I'll 'set about ye'.


Thanks for the literary criticism, Kyl. I've been trying hard to improve my style since I started contributing to The Kalimantan Gazette, circa 1918, but I still have a long way to go. I've learned something through all these years though: I don't read what I find nauseating. I might make me puke.


So you're also an immigrant, Ryan? Welcome aboard, bro! Well, I'm a U.S. citizen too. That gives ALL OF US the right to freedom of speech, right? By the way, I love Scotland. Have very good friends there. But anyway, as to my 99 year-old girlfriend... (sorry, she's calling me, I have to go now.)


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
You mention what her tattoos will look like when she's older, well chances are when she's old enough for them to look bad you wont want to see her naked anyway so what difference does it make?
Oh and about the blond girl with the dragon on her butt, maybe just maybe she got it because she likes it not because she's part of some Asian cultural movement, maybe it's just because she thought it was pretty, did you ever think of that?
I'd be curious to know what nationality you are, and what food you eat, do they match up? you are putting that food into your body so shouldn't it match your nationality by your logic? Or perhaps the clothing you wear, if your Scottish should you be forced to wear only kilts not pants? The next time you see a red head in a hot Asian style dress shield your eyes so you don't get offended by her mixing cultures LOL.
I think it's sad that you are so closed minded, I pitty you.


Hi Tiffany, thanks for your comments. That's exactly what my guerrilla friends in Borneo used to tell me: "you are so closed minded". It's hard to change now when you get to this age of... is it 105 or 106? I forget... What the heck!


Tiffany, he's a Cuban immigrant living in the US.

And I still live in the UK, by the way Mario. So like I said, immigrate to Scotland so I can set about ye.


Thank you for enlightening Tiffany about my country of origin, Ryan. I don't quite understand that "set about ye" thing. I assume it's an invitation to go visit your country. Thanks man! As I said before, I love Scotland, but never have been there before. The closest I've been is Liverpool (me being a Beatles fan...) You should go to Cuba someday. You're going to love it there. I got to go now, seriously. My 99 year-old chick is going to kill me! She says I'm wasting my time at the computer, but the thing is, I love making so many new friends. Good night everybody!


lay off Mario guys, his humor might not be perticularly humorous (in a laugh-out-loud kind of way), but just immagine the words being spoken by some drunken, wife-beating right-wing 50-something male... i think he's playing devils advocate, only so well that its hard to tell...
nice way to rile up the folk your actually (i think) supporting Mario - i await your witty reply with baited breath....


Thanks for putting this piece into proper context, Ronin. I actually had a chuckle reading through it my second time after your insight.


If this was an attempt at satire, it fell on its face. My apologies, but it is neither obviously tongue in cheek nor journalistic enough to be clear.

If this was serious, then its seriously misguided, poorly written, and lacking in substance.


Holy crap, Mr. Mario, what are you smoking? You know nothing about the body modification culture. This was the most stupid article I have ever read. Shannon Larratt of BMEzine even posted it on Modblog because he must've thought it was so ****ing dumb.

If this is a joke of some sort, I'm sorry to say, it wasn't funny and this was very poorly written... you're very unfunny. There's nothing wrong with anyone having tattoos... how f'ed up. Lay off people, you dimwit.


I think the fact that you're not funny in any way shape or form make this pretty comical. Good job on being so incredibly boring you're funny :) Not many can say that.

I also like how you respond to comments that say you're an idiot by being even more idiotic! Kudos.


I would just like to point out, that the majority of your arguments against tattoing and its cultural prevalence is the "lowering" of a womens beauty standard. I see this argument quite a bit, and frankly, it usually comes from fat bald men with no personality and a complex with their mother.


This is fantastic. A man who has learned how to type, masturbate and flick through various photographs of his favourite celebrities and youthful blondes.... Congratulations. After reading this tripe I'd say it's fair to say you've done nothing more than a favour to the world of body modification. Bravo! As every reader of this column is now certain to want to avoid cloning you, they WILL be dedicated to getting modified.


Dull, and poorly written.
Additionally, it is not the job of Angelina Jolie or any other woman for that matter to care about (let alone pander to) the author's particular opinions about female beauty. Nor is it useful, enlightening, or appropriate for him to attempt to police the choices, aesthetic or otherwise, that women make about their bodies.


C'mon you guys, knock it off! Mario is not writing about tattoos at all. Can't you see he's poking some fun at EXAGGERATION? It's called HUMOR. You may either like it or not, but there is nothing serious about it. And guess what, it must not be that badly written when the paper published it. I guess Mario must be LOL with all the attention his little article is getting. You made his day!


Honey, as far as Angelina goes, you might think she looks messed up, but obviously she's hot as hell because tons of people want to date her, and one of the sexiest men in world is having babies with her.

It is no one's job to sit and care about what others think of the way they express themselves.I hate cross-tattoos and prayer hands,okay, so what? I cannot and should not expect everyone to dis/like the things I do; on the same token no one else should, nor can, expect me to see beauty as they do.


Dee, can't you see that he's only using Angelina in his piece because she is rich and famous (and has tattoos on top)? Why is it so hard to figure out? He has nothing against her!



This guy is dumbbbbbbb!!!!

Eric M.

It doesn't matter how you look at this article. whether you see it as satire, exaggeration, irony, humor, or serious writing, it sucks. If it is exaggeration, it's overdone and unfunny. If it's humor, it's a poor attempt. Even Chuck Norris jokes are funnier than this. If it's serious, I hope I never meet you.
Your humor is abysmal. Seriously, stop replying. Your responses aren't funny at all, they are stupid.



Mario, the 'set about ye' comment is not an invite to my country, it's more of a warning not to come and was originally spoken by a brave man who fought with terrorists when they tried to car bomb Glasgow Airport in 2007, originally 'Come to Glasgow and we'll set about you'.

I've already said that it would be a better idea to return to Cuba. At least better than having to read a brain-washed Cuban immigrant's attempts to be satire while trying to depreciate the world of Body Modification.

Just to reiterate on an earlier point, I have no problem with immigrants. Srsly.


I think it is funny how people these days think their opinion matters so much. Really, who cares if you like or dislike tattoos. The reality of the situation is that you are of less than average intelligence and working at a school!!

That is very disturbing to me. I personally think the above piece is interesting. I read so many pro tattoo blogs, it is slightly refreshing to see one that has another view.

The problem is that all the blogs and opinions I see that are against tattoos are written by people with the intelligence of a child (or intelligence that equates to less than the children you are teaching). It seems that the majority of smart people seem to be fascinated by body modification, and the people that are not are morons like this one.....

Mario, at least formulate a good argument before you speak your mind. Do not just fart random facts about celebrities and how the tattoos decrease women's attractiveness. I really think that many of the women you mention would not date an impotent,bald clod like yourself.

And for the record Viva! The Revolution!!


Wow, you are really beating a dead horse there mario. Your 99 year old girlfriend, huh, wasn't funny the first time, please stop repeating it. I really don't care if this article was serious or not, you just suck. Nothing you have presented was funny, at all. I also don;t get how you think Angelina Jolie is hot, her face looks totally fucked up, she has nice tits but her face just kills my boner, the fact that she has tattoos doesn't even help me. Please don't put too much effort into the comedy thing it won't get you anywhere.


This article was an utter bore. Voicing your opinion is one thing, but being a shallow minded fool is another. You cant honestly sit here and say tattoos ruin someone's body just because you don't agree with them. The fact of the matter is that tattoos have been around for thousands of years. What about that? Are you going to say that history is wrong because people were getting tattoos before you were even alive? Of course not.

Another stupid comment you made is that noise about blonde girls getting dragon tattoos. For one, dragons have been mythical creatures in ENGLISH folk lore for thousands of years. Again, just because the Chinese have their symbol for dragons doesn't mean they invented the idea. Dragons, or dragon-like creatures have been found in the artwork of countless societies. Are they jocking the Chinese because they spoke of a dragon too? Dragons stand for strength, they aren't just some symbol the Chinese use for their New Year. If someone gets a tattoo of a koi (which I must admit is WIDELY played out), it's usually said to be the bringer of good luck. What about the meanings behind the symbols?

You see, the problem with your rant is that you're WIDELY misinformed about tattoos. I personally am going to get a variety of tattoos on top of the piercings I have/had. One of my tattoos is a series of cheetah print on my left arm. Should I go off to Africa because I want cheetah print on my arm? How about the meaning behind it? How about the fact that the cheetah print represents my animosity towards my father who nearly abandoned my family all those years ago? What do you want, for me to get the word "animosity" tattoo'd on me? What a waste of skin and ink. The cheetah is one of the most feared animals in nature because of its speed and ability to kill an animal in mere seconds. The cheetah print represents my subconscious fear of accepting my father back into my life, along with the hatred I had for him at one point.

You have no idea what you're talking about, and have (in my opinion) lost all vocal credibility you once may have had before writing this article. You think tattoos are a waste of human skin, and I think this article is a waste of internet bandwidth. Go home, read up on your facts, and then come back and try to write something worth reading.

What a waste of time.


I think the sad part is Mario is a teacher. That's what we have influencing our children...
Even as a joke, without the humor in it, it's just another troll talkin'.


you say you hate tattoos, then you undersatnd about the mermaid ones.. if you have a conviction stick to it.. after reading only a few lines i realised you were nothing more than a hack..


Bravo Mario! Right on the money.

These people look like absolute idiots. Never mind an (the authors)attempt to be funny. He's right.

This tattoo craze is all about trying to be cool.

People, you're not cool, you look ridiculous, obviously need some attention you didn't receive as a child. As for our young people- hopefully they'll grow out of it- bit of immaturity.

For the women who sport these hideous looking things, you've defineitly given up on trying to look attractive and settled for "the cool" thing to do. "Maybe he'll like me if I get some tattoos. I'll finally be accepted.", even if it's from a group of misfits.

Outside of exchanging small talk, pleasantries, "Hey, how are doing?, no one takes you seriously.

Your poor parents.


I will not defend the fact that I am a tattooed person to anyone. It is an a personal choice to be or not to be tattooed.I and everyone who is tattooed can not compain about comments like this close minded persons because we have chosen the way we look. Most of us get tattooed for ourselves not anyone else, which is a good thing for the afore mentioned person because he would be very disappointed.
I read once( believe it or not I can read) That the only differance between a tattooed person and a non-tattooed person is a tattooed person doesn't care if you have a tattoo or not.
Thanks for reading, Tattooed man


You sadden me. Hating on tattoos is as stupid as hating on people not having tattoos.

Timmy maybe you take things too seriously, apart from addressing your obvious ignorance. I've recently seen a few articles on university lecturers, people with Phds who have tattoos. People take them seriously, so what have you done in life that makes you so knowledgeable?


sure chris.


Dear Mario,
I just LOVED your article! You made such a great text about tattoos - instead of saying all those things we see around there. It's frightening to imagine that tribal tattoo close to the butt in about.. well, 40 years? haha
I love tattos, too (I reached your article through BMEzine blog). But I never got one due to the reason you said: it must be chosen carefully.
Guess a lot of tattoo lovers will dislike your article, and you made it on purpose. :D Wonderful!


WOW! forty-eight comments and counting! That's a lot more than I expected, folks! Thanks to those who liked it, thanks to those who didn't. The funny thing is, even those who didn't like it READ IT! How can anyone seriously claim that America is a non-reading country now? Keep writing if you wish to do so, but let me remind you: it's only humor, no big deal. Guess what, some of my best friends have tattoos and they don't mind me writing about the topic. Anyway, it's a free country and you are free to express your opinion. As I am free to voice mine. I hope you have a great Mother's Day. All of you.


As Barry has so rightly said the only difference between people who have and don't have tattoos is the ones who do have them don't actually care if another person has or not.

Everyone can decorate their body as they please, going back to Ancient Mayan cultures who hand-poked facial tattoos as a symbol of manhood on boys and beauty in women. Some cultures tattooing was reserved to the clan/tribe leaders and as a new leader rose up he was given the markings of the leader/king.

Back to the point of beauty, it's normal for people to want to improve their self image - I have seen hundreds of pictures of before-and-after pieces from surgery or accident scars what have given said person a new lease of life and it makes them happy.

Why should you care Mario? You shouldn't, but if you really want to you should just care whether that person is happy with their body and most of the time people are happy with their ink because it just fits to them as a person. I have a friend who just recently got a tattoo for her birthday and she had been planning this one for a very long time and she was very shy of showing any of her body off but she got hers tattoo'd on her hip and now she is a much happier, much confident person.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it seems you are the beholder of an ugly, biased, self-hating individual who has ran out of anything worth talking about so he has to prey on a community of people who act on their right to modify their bodies.

You are a shell of a man, and unfit to be a teacher in a school and I fear you voice this opinion not only on the interweb but also in your classroom and I feel sorry for the next generation who are going to voice these same opinions.

And I hope, I really do hope that you get a class full of tattoo'd students, and maybe you'll see the hundreds of different inks, thousands of different and individual tattoo designs and the true beauty of what one can do, turning their skin into a canvas for art.

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