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February 25, 2008



Mr. Shelton,

Some of the people who post here discuss other people, often in a hateful way. Fewer discuss ideas and principles. It is most rare when someone illustrates their principles by applying them to their own lives, not matter how imperfect and awkward.

I appreciate what you do, and what you have done here. I appreciate your willingness to acknowledge the mistakes you make, even when trying to do the right thing. We don’t get better if we don’t try. I suspect that this is the message you intend to get to when you “continue.”

it *is* funny

Thanks for posting this. I watched my mother get hit by my step-father for years and I ALWAYS wished some bystander would say something, do something. Even if you don't know what to do, you must not let the abuser think they are invisible. It makes the victim think she is invisible too.

Bill Shelton

it "is" funny,

Thank you for you eloquent honesty.


Bravo, Bill - You were brave to intervene with the couple in Los Angeles and the family in Santa Cruz. Those poor boys might have thought it was normal for their father to treat them that way, leading them to think it’s OK for them to treat other women that way.

I believe it carries more weight, when men speak out about other men’s violence toward women and children. When a woman speaks out, I’m guessing that the abusers look at her with the same disregard/disrespect they have for their own wives/girlfriends.

“I was ashamed, because I realized that my actions at the restaurant had been more motivated by old feelings of bitterness from childhood experiences than by an accurate assessment of the best thing to do.”

I don’t think that’s anything to feel ashamed of. Obviously, the father’s behavior struck a nerve, and as you say, took you back to situations where you were the victim, so you responded as you (maybe) wish you could have responded in your childhood; you put yourself in the place of those two boys and you defended them.

The world has become much more dangerous since the ‘60’s, ‘70’s and even ‘80’s. Now, one might run the risk of being stabbed or shot, while in defense of a stranger, but who of us can live with ourselves if we don’t, at least, call for help.

it *is* funny - That must have been terrible for you to witness. We feel we have no control over many things, when we are children, because we usually don't. It's outrageous that your stepfather dared to behave this way, PERIOD, but for him to hit your mother in public and in front of you, shows that he didn't fear reprisals from anyone. I'm sorry for that little child that you were.


Women condone wife-beating
July 27 2003
The Sun-Herald

More than half of Zimbabwean women surveyed say a husband is justified in beating his wife sometimes, US researchers have found.

Men are within their rights to beat their wives if they argue, neglect the children, refuse to have sex, burn food or leave the home without permission, most of the women surveyed said.

"If nothing is done, the next generation of women may be just as likely to believe that wife-beating is acceptable behaviour," one of the researchers, Michelle Hindin, of the Johns Hopkins University School of Public Health in Baltimore, said in a statement on Friday.

Hindin's team reviewed data from a 1999 World Health Organisation survey of 5907 Zimbabwean women aged 15 to 49.

Women aged 15 to 24 were two-and-a-half times more likely than women aged 45 to 49 to believe that wife-beating was justified, researchers found. But among the older women, more than half said wife-beating was often acceptable.

Poor, rural women, those with less than a secondary education and those with lower occupational status were more likely to say their husbands had the right to beat them.

"Interventions that promote joint decision-making might be a promising strategy for increasing women's views towards equality in marriage, while promoting men's views that household disputes should be settled with negotiation, not violence," Hindin said.



Hi Bill,

I was looking around on the web for the "Impossible Restaurant" because I lived in Santa Cruz for many years and still have never found a pizza that comes close. The restaurant closed many years ago now and I have no idea where Giselle went or if she ever opened another place. Yours was the only post I could find about it.

What I'm wondering is if you know where she went or, ideally, the recipe for that amazing crust!!

I'm sorry to be focusing on the pizza... I know that the post is about much more important matters and I really appreciated the story and it's lesson a lot. But... the BEST PIZZA EVER is now really impossible to find.

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