Reality Bites by James Norton for the week of July 5

Reality Bites by James Norton for the week of July 5
Fireworks, phallic devices and berets – some of the topics of discussion at lunch

I was out the other day having lunch with three movers and shakers around here – enjoying their company and talking about goings-on around the city.  It was refreshing and enjoyable to be able to talk freely and not have someone worry about whether something he said would be repeated in the paper. Or would it?
  Three people reading this just gasped a little.  Relax.

  It started off slow enough – a little chatter about the weblog and just how much I personally knew about who said what about whom and so on and so forth.  That’s fine, I’ve gotten used to that over the last year.  I did my typical song and dance about not knowing much at all about it – and keeping it that way – to preserve the right to free speech.  Eyes roll, but it’s the truth.
  There was a considerable amount of chatter about our kids and our wives – and how enjoyable they are to us – and how sometimes not so much.  That’s life, I guess.  I probably didn’t have to go into the rant about how much displeasure I had hearing about my 11-year-old daughter’s considerably older boyfriend, but who would blame me?
  None of these guys did.
  It’s funny, you know people as well as you know them and it amazes me how much you can learn about them personally by breaking bread and having a beer or three with them.  Okay in the interest of full disclosure, I don’t drink beer and I was drinking Diet Coke at the time. But it was good nonetheless.
  The conversation somehow moved on to schools we went to and who we knew growing up around the neighborhood and how some of our families have been intertwined for years.  Two of us are eight years older than the other two, so this portion of the afternoon actually lasted a long time and was the most fun.
  The food and drink kept coming and coming and time started to slip away at some point.  Not having to rush somewhere for this or that didn’t hurt the good moods all around either, I can tell you that.
  The next topic turned back towards the weblog, which was probably a result of a few beers (keeping in mind I took my own car, so no alcohol for me).  There was considerable discussion about comments posted on the weblog about this one and that one – not that any of these three did them, don’t get the wrong idea – just that they had seen them and they were funny or right on the money – stuff like that.  I could see the writing on the wall now – personal comments about certain individuals started flying.
  Everyone from the fictional characters to the full-blown, in your face public figures became the next topic of discussion.  From people like Dr. Mrs. McCarthy and Steve Cockneck to The Skipper, John L, Tony L and The Cambriville News.
It was hilarious, that’s all I will say.
  Then I doom the lunch and ask the question:  “You guys have any ideas for my column this week?”  I sometimes ask my family, friends and people I know when I’m having one of those weeks where I’m teetering back and forth between writing about something either fairly low-key to just plain out hammering someone.
  Historically speaking, it has been more therapeutic for me to blast someone or a group of wanna-be someones.  Quite frankly I’ve also gotten tremendous response from the general reading public when I go ballistic, but I don’t always feel great about it afterwards.  Oh what a line of bull.
Well when I asked these three guys the question, the floodgates opened.
  Based on the length of the lunch, the amount of food and beverage consumed and the nature of our personalities – NONE of their suggestions made the cut this week.
  Sorry guys – I decided to just write about our lunch – leaving the readers to wonder who you are and what else we talked about that never made it to these pages.  This week.

Comments

[boyfriend]

Your 11 year old has a much older boyfriend? Yikes! How much older? Should 11 year olds have boyfriends any older than 12 years old? I don't think so.

[Bob Dole]

Tell me something I don't know, Jamie. Tell me something juicy, something mean, something gut-wrenching, something ridiculous. Taunt the weak, the hacks, the elderly, terrorists, I don't care! Just save this "low-key" crap for your nightly diary session.

[James Norton]

Bob -

You know, I try to listen to my family and be nicer to people...I could have written about something even more low-key, but I figured I would tease with this one because people might try to guess who was at that lunch...

I can't always kick the shit out of the morons around here - even the real pieces of work that say one thing to your face and then do something completely opposite.

Oh wait - thats EVERYONE in this city.

Well, Bob, this is the year I plan on leveling the playing field a bit - nobody will be off-limits when it comes to me calling them out as the hacks, liars, crooks, retards or otherwise socially unfit for the intellectually adequate pod people that they really are.

Hope that helps you out a little.

JN

[Dr. Mrs. McCarthy]

Hey Dole,

Still sore about losing big time for Pres?

Listen to me you limp-dicked, Republican ass-wipe. Leave Jamie alone or you'll have me to contend with. And trust me Bobby, once I get hold of those raisins you call nuts, I won't let go till you say "I love Bill Clinton."

Do we understand each other? Good. Now go swallow a few Viagra and take matters into your own hand.

Damn straight,

Dr. Mrs. McCarthy

(P.S. Oh and Champion, keep your pants up Baby, I'll get to you later!)

[Its nice to know Dr. Mrs. McCarthy is on board.]

Its nice to know that Dr. McCarthy supports those that had lunch with Jaime.

[snoops02143]

hey J.N., how about a real story of the Winter Hill Yaught Club. A sesspool of connected hacks who got a "favor" from the State. Didnt they get something like a 99 year lease for 1 dollar a year ?? Prime real estate that the citizens of somerville could use for their own benefit. Try launching a boat at their "private" club and they would turn up their noses and call the cops.....Somerville cops, not the State, more services provided by us citizens for private clubs...... OR, you can always print another "Assembly Square, the back story" - part 73.....*yawn*

[Yatch Club]

how much taxes do we get from the yatch club? when I call the cops they show up! Why do they get city services. Can you say emminent domain? They better start provide some sailing lessons for Somerville youth programs or get the hell out of dodge!

[James Norton]

Yaught? Yatch?

It's too early in the morning to be dealing with impossibly stupid people.

It's spelled Yacht.

At least the first person was trying to spell it phonetically. The second one rhymes with Snatch for God's sake.

Please.

Beyond all that - why are you asking me to do a story on anything down there? I don't do news stories typically and I'm not Hank Phillipi Ryan - so if you have something that needs a look-see, then email the Editor.

JN

[snoops02143]

you say potato......you were looking for topics....and no, you are not Hank Phillipi Ryan. Just tired of the ASSy Sq. bullbleep week after week. Most of us longtime "Ville" people dont have enough free cash to buy a "YACHT", maybe a raft at KMart.....oh ya, and thats located in ASSy Sq........so it is connected !!! Have a great weekend all you "YACHT"ers.
p.s. Does that come with free storage at the Homans building (hee hee)?

[James Dean]

It does not matter how great of a job the mayor is doing. It just is not good enough. And it certainly is not good enough for more than one term. Anytime you let a mayor stay in office that long, espcially in this town, all of his friends start to get comfortable.

There way too much to be done before anyone should start feeling comfortable!

A. B. C.

[Jimmy D. on the Other Jimmy D.]

James Dean I give you credit and respect for your last post. However, I just want to reflect on your statement that "Anytime you let a mayor stay in office that long, espcially in this town, all of his friends start to get comfortable." Is it possible that the Friends of Joe could get any MORE comfortable? Take a look at Stan Koty... that's the highest confort level allowed by law (and you know he's gonna break that law.)

Then we have Skipper Stolichnaya parking his boat for free in a city building.

T&P money that lines the pocket of a Mayoral appointee (they afterall have the keys and codes to the buildings)

The Roche family payroll (reportedly 24% of the city's budget)

The Desk affair at the PD. And we solve this by putting the lead detective from the T&P fiasco to work on it.

The other T&P fiasco, the meters in Davis Sq.

Assembly Square Strip Mall illegally zoned.

Condo Conversions.

The Sheriff (Joe's boy) trying to take over our fair city.

Lost lawsuits, most recently Senesi.

The Mayor's spokeperson condescending the readers here

Between you and I, we could go on and on and on. We can't take much more of this.

Good GOD. They couldn't possibly get anymore comfy.

[Pint Size]

Has anyone heard from the pint sized plumber?

[Dr. Mrs. McCarthy]

Jimmy D.,

My dear boy. You and I have been friends for such a long time now(what is it, 3-4 months?) I feel I can say this to you without fear of reprisal or reproachment.

When you make the statement, "They couldn't get any more comfy.", I thought to myself, "He's completely lost his fu*^ing mind."

Jimmy, are you OK? This is Cambriville, my boy. Land of the Misfit Toys, Cirque du Somerville, Planet Cambriville, where some of the men wear womens panties when home alone, some of the women would put Lewinsky to shame, and first cousins marry at the drop of a hat.(and they're not all gay).

Jimmy, trust me on this one. This crew is just getting started. Comfy? You ain't seen nothin yet lovey.

But someday in the not too distant future, we'll all look back at this period in our proud city's history and laugh. And cry. And laugh. And cry. And cry. And cry.

Waitin for Shelton to Arrive,

Dr. Mrs. McCarthy

[Dr. Mrs. McCarthy]

Jimmy D.,

My dear boy. You and I have been friends for such a long time now(what is it, 3-4 months?) I feel I can say this to you without fear of reprisal or reproachment.

When you make the statement, "They couldn't get any more comfy.", I thought to myself, "He's completely lost his fu*^ing mind."

Jimmy, are you OK? This is Cambriville, my boy. Land of the Misfit Toys, Cirque du Somerville, Planet Cambriville, where some of the men wear womens panties when home alone, some of the women would put Lewinsky to shame, and first cousins marry at the drop of a hat.(and they're not all gay).

Jimmy, trust me on this one. This crew is just getting started. Comfy? You ain't seen nothin yet lovey.

But someday in the not too distant future, we'll all look back at this period in our proud city's history and laugh. And cry. And laugh. And cry. And cry. And cry.

Waitin for Shelton to Arrive,

Dr. Mrs. McCarthy

[Dr. Mrs. McCarthy]

Jimmy D.,

My dear boy. You and I have been friends for such a long time now(what is it, 3-4 months?) I feel I can say this to you without fear of reprisal or reproachment.

When you make the statement, "They couldn't get any more comfy.", I thought to myself, "He's completely lost his fu*^ing mind."

Jimmy, are you OK? This is Cambriville, my boy. Land of the Misfit Toys, Cirque du Somerville, Planet Cambriville, where some of the men wear womens panties when home alone, some of the women would put Lewinsky to shame, and first cousins marry at the drop of a hat.(and they're not all gay).

Jimmy, trust me on this one. This crew is just getting started. Comfy? You ain't seen nothin yet lovey.

But someday in the not too distant future, we'll all look back at this period in our proud city's history and laugh. And cry. And laugh. And cry. And cry. And cry.

Waitin for Shelton to Arrive,

Dr. Mrs. McCarthy

[Dr. Mrs. McCarthy]

Sorry about that kids. The bourbon bottle suddenly jumped up on the keyboard. Sorry!!!!

Dr. Mrs. McCarthy

[Jimmy D. on Comfy]

Damn, Sweetums! We're on the same page! I was merely trying to point out the problems we have now and ask "How much worse can it get?" when you pants-ed me in front of the Somerville News crowd.

I still love you babe, but save some of the vitriol and brimstone for the right people. You're getting on in your years, I don't want you wasting these precious moments attacking the people of like minds.

Love (Still),
Jimmy

P.S. Can I have my pants back?

[Dr. Mrs. McCarthy]

Jimmy D.,

Of course you can have your pants back. Better let the waist out a little bit more dear. Would'nt want to cut the blood flow below the belt line.(That's for the age crack. Watch it poopy or I'll sic Butters Newman on you.)

Your lifelong friend and benefactor,

Dr. Mrs. McCarthy

[Pint Size P.]

I heard that the pint size plumber went away for the weekend.

[Need a life...]

Ya, and I heard he had a blue and white short-sleeve shirt on and had All-Bran for breakfast with 1% milk and a cup of black coffee in a blue mug.... Who the hell cares???

Hey, Pint Size P., get a freakin' life, will you!!!

[Who is the pint sized plumber?]

I am starting to get a little confused with all thease nick names. Who is this guy pint size? I have been hearing alot about him recently.

[City Hall Nose]

Anyone hear about the new job the soon to be Ex-of Veterans Affairs will be getting? It may shock some but for others, it’s just another day at the office.

[No, but I did hear]

No, But I did hear that areas like Sullivan Square, Inman square, and some other areas that actually border other citys will be getting a substantial break on their property taxes. Some of the reasons are that these areas already get less than their share of city services and some of them produce more in parking ticketing incomes. One of the great things about our cities is the life centered on the squares but when city borders run through them there are problems. What's happening for Inman and Sullivan Square's are sad examples.

[The Mole]

I'm flying on a jet plane,
Don't know when I'll be back again...

Hmmm, that must have been the thoughts of the Mayor as he flew back from Gaeta, Italy this week. Returning to the job tomorrow, Italain flags and all from the recent World Cup Victory Party.

[The Pint Sized Plumber Learns to FALA]

The Pint Sized Plumber was spotted at at the Cambridge Center for Adult Education taking Portuguese lessons. Pinty, when are you going to stop being Tony's coat holder????? Get a life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!